Thursday, March 26, 2009

chagrin

I frittered away the entire morning fussing with my blog template...culminating in a frantic rush (accompanied by a small amount of speeding) to get my daughter to an appointment 85 miles away.

During her 45 minute session, I hammered out a blistering rant at myself for getting sucked in by blog-stuff and wasting so much time over nothing. I frothed not just about my time usage, but the emotional trap of looking at external measures, as indicated by my blog stats, as an indicator of my worth as a person, of seeking comments for affirmation that I matter.

[ahem]

...the irony of ranting about wasting time on my blog
via another blog post was not lost on me, even in the midst of the self-flagellation.

[insert major eye roll]

What can be such a force for good -- a way to communicate and connect with people around the world, a way to share of yourself and your creative efforts -- can become a horrible trap.

Part of the human condition seems to draw us into comparisons. Some things (like FaceBook) encourage it. We often expect to be some super-composite of all the best parts that we see in everyone else, an impossible feat. Instead of celebrating our strengths and accepting our less-stellar areas, we succumb to feelings of inadequacy and doubt.

Does this resonate with anyone else? Am I the only one who struggles to keep perspective over this silly blog??

At any rate, I opted not to publish the rant. Typing it out provided the needed release and helped restore a bit of objectivity....that and a long drive!

So tomorrow we shall kiss and make up, my blog and me. And I'll be ready to give it a twirl again real soon.